Time and again

Okay, so I was struggling with it before, but now that we have the dog I'm finding it even more difficult to give this the time and effort I would like to give it. I feel that the vast majority of my posts are but wisps -- wisps! -- of what I intended them to be and have more to do with getting it done than doing it well. I'm trying to figure out how to carve out a bit more time for this, particularly because I realized that what I enjoy so much about other people's blogs I read is that the writers' insights, reflections, and revelations (as well as their photography and story telling) broaden my own perspective. That is, they give genuinely and generously in what they share and I learn from it, think about it, enjoy it. I'm not returning the favor with short, just-get-it-done posts and that make the experience unsatisfying even for me.

So, I'm trying.

Hope Revolution rocks on:

I noticed that another of the participants in the Flickr group added "Pass it on!" as well as the full Hope Revolution title and URL. I'm going to do that on my new batch of cards so that the project is a little more clear for any recipients who are curious about the card they've ended up with in their hands. My favorite drop-off point these days is inside books in the children's book sections we frequent, and I have to storm the library with these as well. I figure that making the card useful as a bookmark may mean it hangs around longer.
Spring is making inroads in New England! These tiny bits of color that start to come up in the trees -- lots of colors, not just greens -- are an endless delight to me. Red is as much a spring color here at green, thanks to the maples and maybe even the oaks coming out. I love the soft haze of color, like smoke.

And I am working this month on self portraits. There are a lot of reasons why I don't feel I have many (any?) recent photos that capture how I think I look, or how I want to look. Like most moms, I have eleventy million pictures of Dean and almost as many of Ken (and of Dean and Ken) but barely a handful of me and I don't like most of those. Yes, it does feel strange and self-indulgent to take pictures of myself, but I realized that I have very few photos of my mom at the various stages of her life and would like at least to give Dean the ability to remember me along the journey we've taken. I wonder if he'll think a picture like this really looks like me; such a hard thing to grapple with -- how do we see ourselves, how do others see us? And unlike those teen years when you have (and take) all the time in the world to stare in the bathroom mirror to contemplate who you are and how you look, it turns out for me anyway that I barely really even know what I look like anymore because I don't think about it. So I invite you, too, to put some effort into getting pictures of yourself that you like and I highly recommend taking them yourself.

Were we the last family in America to finally see Pirates of the Caribbean: The Black Pearl? I remember we saw a preview when it first came out (2003) and Dean was totally freaked out by the marching skeleton feet and it went firmly on his "no way" list. But times change, boys grow up, and Netflicks delivers. We loved it. LOVED it. I think we especially loved it more for seeing the WDW ride come to life, but maybe that was icing on the cake of a story we loved as well. I understand the third one isn't worth bothering but we've got the next one (Dead Man's Chest) on our list. Yes, it is good to have the weekly family movie nights back.

I don't know WHAT to call this....

I am pleased beyond pleased. I don't know if it will still be there if you go and look, but one of my photos from my hope revolution project is featured (bottom one in the left-side column) on the Hope Revolution site itself. Maybe she is rotating photos from the flickr pool? Anyway, it feels just unreasonably good to have made a contribution that's on the site itself.

That certainly feels much more rewarding than it felt on Monday when I spent all day cleaning and accomplished, among other things, this perfectly. clean. kitchen. island. Not rewarding because if I snapped the same picture today.... Well, why don't I just go and do that?

Ugh. That's why. The reality of how we live. I really would love it to be the other way. I'd love if the island was always kept clean and clear and shiny, and that the rest of the house were that way too. I just do not have the emotional nor physical capital (doesn't that sound grand?) to devote to it. Oh, I know we've been down this road before together. But there it is.

So Ken is in Las Vegas with an old friend from college and one of that guy's friends -- I think this is the third time this trio has treated itself to a weekend in Las Vegas just for fun. Must be nice! Dean and I are going to walk in and around and out of the house with our shoes on, repeatedly, eat the bad foods we like, and stay up late watching movies. I'm also planning to get some quilting time in. Don't be mad at us for secretly wishing that soccer practice tonight and the game tomorrow get rained out; we just want all the time we can to take advantage of having the place to ourselves.

And a fun find from Natalie:

68 words

Speed test

Wordless Wednesday

I get up, I get down*

I discovered a blog that is apparently, in its entirety, a photo of what the blogger has for breakfast pretty much every day. The photos are striking, and she has what appears to be a very strong following. (45 comments on her post inviting others to share their breakfasts. 45.) I'm not saying that I think an all-breakfast blog is a bad thing. To be honest, she inspired me to jot some ideas for the next trip to the grocery store and to make myself some grits this morning (photo taken before the hard-boiled egg, still left over from Easter, went on top). What has me unable to stop thinking about an all-breakfast blog is how many people are checking in to see what she's having. I don't know what to make of that.
Aside from breakfasts, I'm thinking a lot this week about why my energy swings are so vast, so complete, and what I can do to gain a more even keel. I resent the roller-coaster sense of my life -- for me, energy level and mood go hand-in-hand (is that universal?). I'm either walking around thinking about how incredibly lucky I am and what a terrific life I have and working away on my various projects, or I'm brooding about what the point of it all is and how I'm going to find the will to keep going as I sit starting vacantly into space. In the middle of these extremes is the no-man's land where I've been uncharacteristically just letting things pile up. Packages that need to be sent, letters a year (!) overdue, dust accumulating like -- really -- you just wouldn't believe. My own life, for me, is about control; my sense of balance and purpose and contentment comes from feeling that I'm in control. (Incidentally, I do not need to feel control over other people, no matter what Ken may try to tell you.)

Ultimately I'm so bothered because I don't understand the source of my unbalance, of the swings. The outside variables (daily life) don't change much, if at all. Just my reactions and my energy levels change. Oddly, the little card from my project is still sitting in my car because I wasn't able to deliver it as intended. Sometimes it's a snap to put one on a driver's side door, just above the handle, on the window right between the window and rubber gasket, but sometimes the gasket is so rigid and tight that it can't be done. So when this card couldn't be slipped onto someone else's car, I stuck it in the note holder in my car. And it makes me feel better when I see it there. I really do want to be happy.
Not knowing where else to turn with my troubles, I leave you with another source of no small joy. I spent the last few birthday gift dollars that I had on some rubber stamps from this place. I seriously cut back last year on the amount of stuff I bought and have been doing pretty well this year, too. I think the deprivation makes me appreciate things more when I do indulge. I can't decide if that's good or pathetic. See?!? Mood swings.

* Down at the end, round by the corner.
Close to the edge, just by a river.
Seasons will pass you by.
I get up, I get down.
Close to the Edge / Yes

I am grateful

Really can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for your positive response to Hope Revolution. Funny how sometimes it's just the timing of the right idea that makes it take off.

Stephanie commented that she'd been thinking about making notes to leave at work but was sure everyone would know it was her; I've started leaving a few at work and I am positive people will know it's me and I think that's OK although of course I will deny all knowledge.... Next time I'm at a bookstore, I want to put some right in to a whole bunch of magazines, and I've been making more notes and thinking about where to leave them out in the world.

Meanwhile, I've made another delightful discovery. As far as I can tell, a teacher presented a poem to his class and then created a template and assigned the students to write a poem in that style. [Just now I can't get that particular link to work, so I'll come back to it.] It's a "exercise in identity," and a number of bloggers (all new to me) have written their own versions. These represent some of the most amazing writing I've encountered online; they certainly tell you volumes about the person and almost always give a sense of the place she grew up. Please go take a look at these and think about creating one for yourself. Mine is in the works.

Days go by
Life's Free Treats
Blue Mountains Mary
Pea Soup
Two lime leaves

Hope revolution

I had seen a project like this mentioned over at hula seventy though I'm not sure if her project of leaving affirming little notes around was spawned by Hope Revolution or not. Here's the story:
A woman in Manhattan started the Hope Revolution web site and project, advocating that we join her in generating small, positive little notes and leaving them in places where other people -- strangers -- will find them. Stumbling across this idea again yesterday, I was ready to act.
I made my first set of notes (see below) and yesterday started leaving them places. On the table after we finished eating our Chinese lunch, in the children's section of a local bookstore. The very top photo shows a note propped up against the Heart Stones book; after taking the picture I decided to tuck the note IN the book instead, hoping that the ultimate owner would find it (and preventing a store employee from just tossing it).
There's a flickr group if you'd like to see more.