Power makes all the difference

Stayed cleared of snow for a day or so, and now....  

 Ken is out there now, battling the coupla three feet or so (with drifting) that has fallen so far.  We are fortunate that it's so cold (in the low 20s) that the snow is pretty dry here, which greatly lessens the likelihood of power lines coming down, or roofs collapsing. Towns on the ocean are in rougher shape, with all the moisture from the sea, and the swells from high tide, causing serious damage. It's still extremely hazardous to have this much snow, in that as soon as it does go above freezing and starts to melt, the weight increases and it has to be off roofs and decks and porches by then; also all the roads are closed and so my heart goes out to anyone with need of emergency care.  We do seem to recover fairly quickly in this region, so I am optimistic that things will be all right (and figuring we have not tempted fate by failing to run out to a grocery store yesterday for emergency provisions). I continue to be thankful that we moved to where we did (this is our third winter in this house) because here we are on town water (which means that even if power is out the water still runs -- at the old house we had our own well and a pump that required electricity, so no water could be run, no toilets could be flushed without power).  We also have a gas stove here and so can still cook (it was electric at the old house).  We live in a more populated area with more businesses around, so that also means that power here does get restored a lot more quickly when it does go out (we went almost a week, one winter, at the old house, without power -- our tiny little street was the last. one. in. town. to be brought back online).

A new-house tradition, then, is the fresh-from-the-oven batch of chocolate chip cookies when major snow removal is underway.  Never thought I'd replace my old, best-ever recipe but again -- when King Arthur Flour tells me they have the recipe of the year, I have to try it.  AND right they are.

I've been trying to spend more time tooling around the blogsphere, and I am lately struck by the number of amazing, but abandoned, blogs.  Not one to talk (at least in terms of the abandonment thing) but it makes me so sad -- I discover people doing amazing things but who've lost the blogging mojo.  I get it; at least for me, I feel as though I still haven't really figured out what I'm doing here, or why. But not doing it hasn't made me realize anything, either -- but perhaps plugging away will.  In any case, I'm so grateful for the friends I've made as a result and that is more than enough reason to be here.  Powerful stuff.

Everything changes

It's a constant process -- trying to figure out where you are, trying to decide where you are going and the best way to get there. I miss writing here, but a lack of clarity about my purpose and direction have left me wondering what to write about, how much to say. I have mixed feelings now about what I've been sharing and with whom; I know from my journeys in blogland that this is a common enough struggle but the weight of it hadn't quite hit me before.

In the meantime, I am adoring the feeling of summer's beginning. I'm not tired of sunshine nor of birdsong and only wish for more strains of music from ice cream trucks. I am tired of firecrackers at all hours on any given night, but that's not dimming my enthusiasm overall very much. I'm making lists and researching festivals and hoping to squeeze out every drop from these long days (work notwithstanding).

Delightful!

It's been a challenging January. January is the kind of month that can be hard all by itself, but this one's been especially tough.

But just as things were poised to end on fairly ugly terms, the skies have suddenly brightened.

First, I found out yesterday that I won the most delightful tote bag over on a blog I'd just recently discovered -- doe-c-doe. When she posted the photo of that bag I just fell in love, and now I've gone and had the good luck to win it. It is also just the kind of blog that I love, so it's cause for celebration all around.

Next, and I don't want to get too far ahead of things on this one, but I had an email from someone at a reputable publisher who's working on an alphabet book (digital photos taken by all levels of photographers) and -- see my "D" above? -- she's considering my image for the book! I'd participated in ABC-Along 2008 by taking 2 photos during roughly every 2 weeks that year. All my photos were taken outdoors, of natural things, and one was the letter form itself and one was something beginning with the letter. I have a free account on flickr and weirdly not all the images I originally posted are still there, but this D has survived and now apparently has some level of chance of ending up in a book.

Whether it pans out or not, I'm just so pleased to know that I was at least being considered.

And that's a pretty delightful way to say 'farewell' to January.

Is it me?

I am perennially interested in how things change, and especially in how things subtly, over time, change in ways that are fairly imperceptible at the time but when you look back you think -- yeah, wow, right! things really are different now!

I was thinking about this on a recent trip around blogland. I was thinking about how you really couldn't manage to blog not all that long ago without being tagged to do some kind of meme involving a list about yourself. I think at the time it was the collective realization that: ok, I'm here, I'm blogging, but I don't quite know what to say or how to say it. Being tagged to write a list both gave a sense of community AND something to write about (or at least a legitimate excuse to reveal things about yourself as a way of introducing yourself to so many strangers).

And then bloggers kind of collectively found their voices, and found how to reach out and maintain friendships without tagging, and here we are now with nary a tag in sight (or award? those seem to have gone by the wayside too). I think this is growth, I think it is good -- the other way was a good way to start, and now we've grown.

I've also noticed that bloggers, especially the big-time ones, seem suddenly much more thankful for their readers. I'm perceiving a shift from short of an expectation that "of course you're here and fascinated with what I have to say, although of course you also understand that you can't possibly expect me to respond to you" to "I realize how deeply grateful I am to you for being my audience, for helping me publish books/pursue a career/find my voice." I'm expressing this in an extreme kind of way to make my point -- but do you know what I mean? It seems an even kinder and more genuine community now than it did just a year or two ago.

Blog Action Day 2009: Climate Change

Today, bloggers all over the world are writing about climate change, urging readers to get involved. "Blog Action Day is an annual event held every October 15 that unites the world’s bloggers in posting about the same issue on the same day with the aim of sparking discussion around an issue of global importance." I registered to participate without any grand plan, other than my belief in sharing ideas to change the world.


My own take on climate change is that, without heavy or undue guilt, I simply believe that every choice I make has an impact. Driving a couple of fewer times in the course of a week by combining (or eliminating) errands, recycling every bit of everything that can be recycled, turning lights off, conserving water, stopping to observe and delight in the beauty of the natural world (and sharing that habit with my son) -- every single thing makes a difference. It goes the other way, too; bad choices hurt. I try, again without feeling hopeless, to sort of run my own sets of carbon-offsets. If I feel that I don't have a way around something, I make an effort to offset the the poor choice with a bunch of better ones.

The point is that I believe that each individual needs to care deeply about personal choices. That it's not up to government nor industry nor some mysterious 'they' to solve the climate crisis; I believe it is up to each and every one of us.

Mister October

Are you ready yet? We're getting our Halloween on (Mr. Skeleton was courtesy of Martha) indoors and...

...out. Or thinking about it, anyway (this outside shot is from last year -- we won't carve our pumpkins or put up the lights until closer to the big day). Dean's costume is nearly finished (more of an assembly of parts as opposed to sewing this year), and the detailed plan around trick-or-treating is in the works.

Meanwhile, still a gorgeous fall. Although

I'm keenly aware of the rhythm life has taken on, the one where blogging never gets my best attention. I steal a couple of in-between minutes to get some photos up (and rarely have time to re-size), then I cobble together a post as best I can.

I'd like to think it's because real life, in real time, is getting my best effort. I'm not sure that it's true, but I do like to think it. I still keep my camera ready and I do keep thinking about everything, I just don't get many thoughts down. I'm not giving up; I guess I'm just asking for some patience. Maybe you're out in the fresh air, too?

Overwhelmed

No matter how much you love him, there can be times, frankly, when supporting your child's interest in playing a sport can be a sacrifice. It takes up a decent amount of time and money every week to get him to and from practices, to keep him in gear that fits, to keep said gear clean between games. It can be miserable to be out there for a game -- when it's hot, when it's cold, when it's wet (although you always feel more for your child than for yourself with having to play in difficult conditions). Saturday, however, was not one of those times. Not in the least. I kept saying to Ken, who kept agreeing heartily, "there's absolutely no place on Earth I'd rather be right now than here, watching this game." People, the weather does not get any better than this. Sunny but perfectly and completely mild and comfortable. The boys played a great game; Dean played defense this week and had, if I do say so myself, some utterly brilliant throw-ins. Oh, sure, at the end of it we'd lost 5-6, but it was a heroic effort and really just being there was worth it.

I'll just say, too, that I love the impossibility of what the body does in sports, when you can catch it on film. If you look at Dean up there in the act of giving it all he's got to boot the ball, you'd think that momentum would carry him over, that he'd fall backwards after bringing his leg through the arc, but he didn't.
The force of delight did nearly knock him over when we got home after the game, however. More treasures from Gina! Our Mr. Torres there on the cover and my own Mr. 9. After a nice, hot shower Dean just set himself up with a cold drink and his stack of football news. Heaven. Sheer heaven. Our return envelope for Gina is in the works, with every expression we can imagine of undying gratitude.
But for this, we're still gasping for breath, groping for words. When this priceless treasure (no, I am not employing hyperbole here, not one bit) arrived in the mail we all three of us just stood looking at each other, then back down at the comic, then back up at each other. Greg Farshtey himself signed one of his own Bionicle comics for Dean, thanks to Max and Natalie who thought of Dean at the moment they had the chance to do this. PLUS pressed pennies, which Dean collects, and one even from California Adventure which will be a collector's item as it's being given the heave-ho (that is, the park -- California Adventure -- is being given the heave-ho -- NOT the pressed penny!). The magazine is going to be framed in special UV-protective glass and hung in a place of honor -- I'm thinking a small special shelf of Bionicle figures right beneath it would be appropriate -- our own shrine. Max and Natalie, we haven't figured out yet the words, the language we need to take us as far beyond "thank you" as we need to go, but we're working on it.
There were so many other wonders, wonderful things, about this weekend. My brother Tony and sister-in-law Carol went to Alaska last month and sent us a box of treats (tons of photos, baseball hats for me and Ken, a shirt plus lots o' loot for Dean including evidence of dragons) that arrived over the weekend. We had that perfect weather I spoke of earlier and we reveled in it. We even cleaned out the garden shed, and you can see through the windows again (a miracle!). I guess as a reflection of the jubulant mood, Ken broke out the blender to whip up a rare batch of margaritas -- which called for my bringing forth the very best in barware....

Heaven on a stick. Dipped in chocolate. Shared with a friend. Made possible by friends. Impossibly good friends. This is heaven, this life.

Oh, Susanna!

There truly is nothing else quite like opening up your mailbox and discovering, completely unexpectedly, a package from a blogging friend. It's in a whole category of delight unto itself. Susanna sent me one of her unbelievably beautiful bracelets, a gorgeous photograph, and a candy bar from Finland that I am saving to eat at a time when I can savor. every. bite. Out of the blue, these wonders came.
"S." Right? You see it too, don't you? Dean says he sees it, and so it goes into my ABC-Along file.
And 's' is for 'snake.' We met this fellow in our front yard, right up by the steps to the house. His face is there, in the back, between the green leaves. Saying 'hello.'
My own out of the blue offering for you -- a morning glory at its finest. I particularly love the flowers that reach up to the sun and that bow back down at night, tucking themselves away. They respond. I love response.

I've got Dean's Halloween costume in the works and will share a peek soon. I'm busy at work but happy; the effort seems worthwhile. We seem to be managing the weekly round of homework and lessons and practice and soccer games and birthday parties and play dates and everything else that comes our way. I'm awaiting the cold snap, the end of the soccer season, to ramp up on the sewing I keep talking about, thinking about.

But for now I think this: make it last.

Feeling the love

Amazing. Here's most (but not all) of what Gina sent along to Dean to feed his football love. He is finding it a bit challenging to be not just a soccer fan, but a Liverpool/European circuit fan here in the U.S. Gina spoiled us beyond measure with magazines, trading cards, toys; Dean is still pouring over every page, every item, and happily re-living Euro Cup highs and lows. We're making plans for a return package, and marveling yet again at the kindness of strangers, the power of blogging.

It's a crazy time right now (or I guess I should say, "crazier"). I'm working full time these weeks when Dean is in day camp and while I'm certainly not going to complain given how many people have to work full time all the time, it's just that all my routines are thrown off and I'm having a very hard time keeping up. That plus some repairs being done on the house that bring workmen to the front door by 7 a.m. and trying to remember each morning what Dean's needs are for the day (which camp, what hours, what gear?) are proving to be a bit beyond the normal insanity level. Bottom line, though, is that my posting will be sporadic and my crafting time, well, non-existent.

And its hard to sleep for worrying about the economy, the future. I know worrying does no good, and that these are things outside of my control. I know that we already are doing the things we can do (working hard, saving, being careful on how we spend, conserving gas as much as possible). But still I toss and turn for all the "what ifs." Enough already.

Remember

In an effort to stir the pot a little, I've tagged what I hope is a wide assortment of fellow bloggers (seeing if I can break out of some of the same circles a little bit). Some old friends, some newer ones, and some with blogs where I've lurked but not said much. This was my twist on Natalie's tag of me, where I called 7 hopes and/or wishes. We'll see who has a chance to play along.

Heather at Bluhm Studios

'M' at Chocolate on My Cranium

Diana at Dented Thimble Quilting

Kahne at Life on the Run

My Little Mochi

Sarah at Joy for the Journey

Maybe there's someone here who's new to you, and you can take a look at what she's up to. But, ok, so I DID actually tag 7, but I can't remember who the last one was. I'll try. It's no reflection on the person or her blog, just on my own fuzziness of memory. Love this:

"I don't write things down to remember them later. I write things down to remember them now."

It's from a site that sells notebooks but, yes -- it's true -- I can't remember the name of it at the moment. {Edited to add: found it! Check out these great notebooks.) And here's a friend who had the chance to play along on a tag from a while back; she wrote such a lovely post....

And then some

Dean and I were showered with unexpected, utter goodness when a package arrived from Natalie and her family; this never-before-seen-by-Dean Mars Mission Lego set, a precious, collectible brick from LegoLand, and a custom cd of tunes for me that I play constantly, happily. It would be amazing to have received such goodness from family, or from close friends we'd known for years. But I don't know if the word has been invented yet to describe how miraculous it feels to receive these things from friends unmet, from people who have really no reason to be so good to us other than that they simply are so good. Makes faith in humanity such a simple, clear, easy thing.
The -- what? -- twenty or so posts I've composed in my head since last week's post are now scattered amongst all the other things floating through my brain -- thought about but untethered, undone. I'm anxious about my full plate at work; there are two weeks left of school and I can't fathom how I'm going to get everything done. I'm trying to stay calm and take it a day at a time and all that good stuff, but it's keeping me up at night still. And then I'm wondering about appropriate jean length these days -- mine seem too short all of a sudden although when I bought them (whenever that was) I'm sure showing this much ankle was the look. So what's the look now? How long is a pant leg supposed to be? I feel a little hopeless, and highly amused, that I have absolutely no. idea. I don't even know how to find out. We have one niece who's 25 and who is always dressed to the nines and I fleeting thought about checking in with her, although then I thought about the total sign of hopelessness and ridiculousness that is; do you remember being 25 and having "old people" who were trying to be hip ask you totally stupid questions about how long their jean legs are supposed to be? It's the kind of eye-rolling that practically turns your eyes right around in your head.
Biscuit wanted to help, or wanted to bite my pant legs, or wanted me to walk him, or thought I was trying to take his picture and so wanted to be helpful. Hmmm. Maybe I need new shoes?

I get up, I get down*

I discovered a blog that is apparently, in its entirety, a photo of what the blogger has for breakfast pretty much every day. The photos are striking, and she has what appears to be a very strong following. (45 comments on her post inviting others to share their breakfasts. 45.) I'm not saying that I think an all-breakfast blog is a bad thing. To be honest, she inspired me to jot some ideas for the next trip to the grocery store and to make myself some grits this morning (photo taken before the hard-boiled egg, still left over from Easter, went on top). What has me unable to stop thinking about an all-breakfast blog is how many people are checking in to see what she's having. I don't know what to make of that.
Aside from breakfasts, I'm thinking a lot this week about why my energy swings are so vast, so complete, and what I can do to gain a more even keel. I resent the roller-coaster sense of my life -- for me, energy level and mood go hand-in-hand (is that universal?). I'm either walking around thinking about how incredibly lucky I am and what a terrific life I have and working away on my various projects, or I'm brooding about what the point of it all is and how I'm going to find the will to keep going as I sit starting vacantly into space. In the middle of these extremes is the no-man's land where I've been uncharacteristically just letting things pile up. Packages that need to be sent, letters a year (!) overdue, dust accumulating like -- really -- you just wouldn't believe. My own life, for me, is about control; my sense of balance and purpose and contentment comes from feeling that I'm in control. (Incidentally, I do not need to feel control over other people, no matter what Ken may try to tell you.)

Ultimately I'm so bothered because I don't understand the source of my unbalance, of the swings. The outside variables (daily life) don't change much, if at all. Just my reactions and my energy levels change. Oddly, the little card from my project is still sitting in my car because I wasn't able to deliver it as intended. Sometimes it's a snap to put one on a driver's side door, just above the handle, on the window right between the window and rubber gasket, but sometimes the gasket is so rigid and tight that it can't be done. So when this card couldn't be slipped onto someone else's car, I stuck it in the note holder in my car. And it makes me feel better when I see it there. I really do want to be happy.
Not knowing where else to turn with my troubles, I leave you with another source of no small joy. I spent the last few birthday gift dollars that I had on some rubber stamps from this place. I seriously cut back last year on the amount of stuff I bought and have been doing pretty well this year, too. I think the deprivation makes me appreciate things more when I do indulge. I can't decide if that's good or pathetic. See?!? Mood swings.

* Down at the end, round by the corner.
Close to the edge, just by a river.
Seasons will pass you by.
I get up, I get down.
Close to the Edge / Yes

I am grateful

Really can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for your positive response to Hope Revolution. Funny how sometimes it's just the timing of the right idea that makes it take off.

Stephanie commented that she'd been thinking about making notes to leave at work but was sure everyone would know it was her; I've started leaving a few at work and I am positive people will know it's me and I think that's OK although of course I will deny all knowledge.... Next time I'm at a bookstore, I want to put some right in to a whole bunch of magazines, and I've been making more notes and thinking about where to leave them out in the world.

Meanwhile, I've made another delightful discovery. As far as I can tell, a teacher presented a poem to his class and then created a template and assigned the students to write a poem in that style. [Just now I can't get that particular link to work, so I'll come back to it.] It's a "exercise in identity," and a number of bloggers (all new to me) have written their own versions. These represent some of the most amazing writing I've encountered online; they certainly tell you volumes about the person and almost always give a sense of the place she grew up. Please go take a look at these and think about creating one for yourself. Mine is in the works.

Days go by
Life's Free Treats
Blue Mountains Mary
Pea Soup
Two lime leaves

In like a lion

Ah, the weekend. Saturday morning. How magnificent. Snowing, as it has been for most of the night. In New England March does reliably come in like a lion, but often leaves like one too. Finishing up my second cup of coffee and my toasted cheese sandwich (breakfast of champions).

As usual, Helen has got me thinking. Her 2/28 post gives her definition of a good blog and it's the helpful kind of kick in the pants I need to keep me on track. Our definitions of a good blog may vary a bit (naturally), but hers overlaps mine enough to push me in the right direction.

She's also tagged me with the 7 random/weird things about yourself deal, and Natalie tagged me -- what, a million years ago? -- for a series of 8's. I'll start with Natalie's, since she was way first and since I did start my answers way back (I'll try to finish up as I go):

8 things I am passionate about:
My husband and son
Being honorable
Being kind
Being punctual
Nature, the environment
Making things
Disney World
Belief in the power we all wield in our own lives and in the world at large

8 things to do before I die:
Tell everyone I love that I love him or her (here I mean that I think it's important to say it every time, every chance, just in case)
Make many more quilts
Learn to knit
Touch each of the Great Lakes (only have Michigan so far)
Finish more scrapbooks
See my son all grown up and happy
Forgive
Figure out what my contribution is supposed to be, and make it

8 things I often say:
Wonderful!
Really?
Hop-tooey-louie (it means hurry up)
Come and look at (the sky) (the moon) (the stars)
Can I get anybody anything?
No, you can do that yourself.
Can you put that away?
I love you

8 books I have recently read:
Julie and Julia
The Apprentice
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Life of Pi
How to Be Like Walt
The Imagineering Field Guide to Animal Kingdom
Cesar's Way
Eating Korean

8 songs I could listen to over and over again:
Grey Funnel Line
Mining for Gold
Amazing Grace
Simple Gifts
Baba O'Riley
100 Years
When You're Falling
Zippity do-da (please watch, and see it for the gentle goodness and not for racial stereotyping!)

8 things that attract me to my best friends: (but this is just conjecture!)
Once I know your birthday, I'll always send a card
I will be on time
You can count on a good meal from me
I'll always listen, and I won't give advice unless you ask
I don't take myself too seriously
I'll support you in whatever it is you want to do, even if I've told you my opinion about it (and it's different from yours)
I'll love your children if you have them, and I won't tell you that you should have them if you don't (because I don't believe that)
Odds are good that I can make you laugh from time to time

That seems like a lot for today. So I'll tackle Helen's 7 things tomorrow. Meanwhile, rather than tagging, I will say that if making a list like this intrigues you, please go for it and let me know so I can come and read yours!

One year, five days

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.

Albert Einstein

I knew it was coming up; I had it written in my calendar and everything. I thought about it quite a bit, too. But then I let my one year anniversary here at Infinity More Monkeys come and go without so much as a mention, until now. February 18 was the day. Aside from all the usual life suspects that kept me from getting to it here, I felt I'd already read everything there was to be said by other bloggers when they celebrated their one-year mark. We know what makes this experience life-altering; we know why we do it despite set-backs, fatigue, uncertainty. I've still got boxes to get together and send off to friends I've made here and so am honestly hesitant just now to offer another drawing for a gift to bestow upon a randomly chosen commenter, although I feel with a blogversary that's a given. Maybe once it seems a little more like spring here, I'll get something together.

In the meantime I will say that each time you visit, each time you comment, it means something to me. It makes me feel connected to the world in a way that nothing else ever has. I visit your blogs because I care about you. I am genuinely interested in what you have to say, I enjoy seeing what you're up to, what the weather is like by you, what you're working on, what you're struggling with, what makes you happy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for widening your circle by one, for letting me in.

Our Christmas Miracle

It was about 4:30 in the afternoon on Christmas Eve. While Ken took a well-deserved nap, Dean and I snuggled on the sofa and I read him the last few pages of Truman Capote's A Christmas Memory. It's a beautiful, bittersweet story and the last paragraphs are hard to read aloud without choking up (for me, anyway). We went to pick out another book, and stopped by the windows to look outside at the dusky sky and snow-covered yard. Dean said, "I really wish I could open just one present," and I stopped myself from giving the grown-up answer ("there will be plenty of presents to open tomorrow"). Instead, I thought about it for a moment and answered honestly, "me too." I suggested that we put on coats and boots to take a walk out to the mailbox, just in case anything had been delivered. Not that I thought there would BE any presents out there, but I thought there might be some cards (there were) and that the fresh cold air would perk us up.

As we stepped past the bushes in front of our house, the little white lights on them clicked on -- it seemed magical, as though our steps had alerted the lights that it was time. We walked carefully down the icy driveway (really -- I think it would be possible to ice skate on it) and could see that the door on the mailbox was just slightly open, indicating that at least something had been put into it. Well. We're still in awe of what we found! A package from Natalie and her family that included the incredible digital camera she gave me, and also a perfectly wrapped Lego set for Dean and a music cd and the makings for our own Mexican hot chocolate and a card and letter that left us all just speechless (Ken came down from his nap just as we were opening). "I can't believe something this good just happened," Dean said. Ken and I agreed.

I charged up the battery, read the instructions, and tried a few test photos this morning, including that one up there of some of our snowglobes. Here's Dean with his first working roller coaster construction from the jumbo K-Nex set he'd been wishing for that Santa brought:

I will try not to go completely crazy and posting eleventy million photos with each post, but it won't be easy!

Christmas day was lovely and mellow though different from what we expected; Ken's parents decided that morning not to come because his mom didn't want to come up our stairs (she prefers to walk through our yard and up our back steps, but there's a good 4 feet of snow and ice there because all the snow from the driveway gets plowed into that area). It was too bad -- we'd done a lot to prepare for the day, the meal, all that stuff, but Uncle Bob still came and the 4 of us had a blast. We were able to eat our big meal later than we usually have to (Ken's parents like to have the option of getting back on the road while it's still light out, which means Christmas is normally a marathon for me in order to make it all happen quickly) and play with our toys.

I used to get kind of blue on Christmas day -- all those weeks, months of effort and it goes by in a flash. But I've started instead to think of Christmas as everything that happens all month, before AND after the day, and even today it feels like we're celebrating. I know I am, thanks to Natalie and her family.

Blurb

Have you discovered Blurb yet? Oh, my goodness. You go there, you download their book building software (I'm on a Mac and it works like a dream), and you create your book which they will then publish for you -- hard or soft cover -- for a pretty reasonable price. I'm in the midst of converting my old blog postings to book format so that I can delete them online but save them for myself. It all started because I've noticed Blogger is dropping out some of my photos, which I'm guessing is because I've hit a storage limit. I'd rather pay for a book to keep than for more online storage space, so there you go. My paternal grandmother, Ellamae (is that a great name, or what?) kept a diary, but every New Year's Eve she'd burn the prior year's book. I appreciate her sense of privacy, and yet what a treasure it would be to have one of those diaries (she was private in everything, so it makes it all the more frustrating not to have what she purposefully kept for herself, alone). But I'm driven to keep, to save, to record. The big downside to this book making business is that it is yet ANOTHER big time drainer, another thing keeping me away from the Christmas-gift to-do pile....

The Goods

After several attempts, this appears to be my best scanning ability to show a taste, just a taste, of the riches Linda sent me for our scrap swap. Rick-rack wrapped riches (say THAT ten times fast!), and the most wonderful little Tasmanian Devil toy for Dean (who refuses to let me even attempt to scan it, lest Tazie be hurt or frightened by the process), and Tasmanian fudge, and a lovely set of picture postcards, and a beautiful notecard. As I've said to her, I just keep sitting with the fabric on my lap, touching it, smelling it, dreaming about what I'll do with it. Don't you just get an image of a person with a wonderful warm, sunny disposition when you see her collection of scraps? Fairies and Hello Kitties and hats and purses and flowers and all the great girly colors I love but never seem to buy for myself. Something special will come from this all -- something special that is beyond the already incredibly special experience of the exchange itself.

And then Helen's mom, if you can even believe it, sent me special mint cakes from Penrith at Helen's request as I'd mentioned how very much I love mint. Special cakes eaten particularly by the hikers and climbers attempting Scafell. For some reason I keep connecting the receipt of these cakes with the incredible quotation from Megan's blog: "It is ourselves we conquer, not the mountains." Sir Edmund Hillary. And that I just did some good hiking last week -- it just all feels connected and wonderful.

And then finally Susan, whom I'm not sure yet has a blog, was my partner in Helen's Swap-a-goat scheme and made a donation to Alternative Gifts International in my name and I'm delighted both by the gift and the chance to learn about this organization. It all conspires to making me feel just deeply and completely happy right now -- connected, energized, positive.

She hit the nail on the head

Are you familiar with The Stone Doll of Sister Brute by Russell Hoban? I highly recommend it (although I can't say I know for certain that it's still in print).

Over at Stripey Pebble, she got to the heart of what I've been struggling around but not coming to; please take the time to go and read it.

Meanwhile I'm trying to figure out how to convince Ken to stop digging up the dandelions from the lawn, but then I do appreciate that my dandelions will win in the end....

What I get out of it

My second and final swap package arrived yesterday; a big warm thanks to my partner, who did a great job and sent plenty of extra fabric and a lovely spool of ribbon. I didn't do a great job on the scan, but do you see that red fabric in there? -- Scotties! I'm going to use some of it to make a bed for the Scottie that I'm making for Dean. And the guitars -- perfect for a little something for Ken, our very own Guitar Hero. The other fabrics have "softies" written all over them, just as I had hoped.

I was reading through the open swaps, trying to decide if I should capitalize on my wonderful experience and try another one, but realized that I need to finish that &$@#! baby quilt, get through Dean's birthday, and Easter, and Dean's birthday party, and then perhaps consider taking on new projects. I feel foolishly proud of myself for seeing and responding to my own limits (maybe I am learning, after all).

A friend commented to me recently how amazed she was that I was managing to keep up with blogging -- she's intrigued but doesn't know where she'd find the time (she has two children to my one child, and works more hours farther away from home than I do, so I can sympathize). What I've been thinking about is how much blogging (especially seeing what others around the world are up to) has expanded my thoughts and creativity. The time I put in is paid off in spades when I walk around smiling, thinking about projects and ideas and people and opportunities and connections -- this whole other side to myself that's been missing for a long time has opened up again (do you remember how much time you had when you were, oh, 15 to 25 years old, roughly, to ruminate? to consider your own ideas and to ponder the ideas and opinions of others of which you were just being made aware? to carry around a journal to write it all down? to dream up things to do with your time?). Sure, right now what I need to do is tear myself away and get some things done, but the bits of time I put in online are making my truly, purely happy. That's worth the investment, don't you think?