Thursday, February 10, 2011

Hard to know

I always find it so hard to know how to deal with these kinds of anniversaries.

It was one year ago that my mom died, and the anniversary of my dad's death was last week.

I don't know of any -- oh, what's the word I'm looking for? -- format? tradition? for these days. I suppose if I were religious I would go to church and light a candle, but that doesn't seem right to me for either of them.

And so I go through my day, thinking my thoughts of each of them, trying to comprehend that another year has gone by, trying to understand this life "after."


Natalie said...

I suppose this is why religions, traditions, ceremonies... why those things remain, because somehow we need them, they give us connection, or relief from the endless "WHY?"
I have noticed fewer and fewer traditions or formalities in our culture that give us a pause, a means of acknowledging milestones in our lives. Even simple rites of passage that recognize our maturing or gaining passage through new phases in our lives, are rare... those that remain are either high-jacked by the jewelry-card industry or more about consumption than reflection.
I sympathize Jennifer. Even with all of our social media, I tend to feel more and more isolated, and on occasions such as these... well, I am glad you are reaching out and sharing your feelings. I wish that I could be there by your side. I have compassionate hugs for you, and I am happy to listen to you.
I think on the connectedness that is there, even "after." You are so clearly a part of them... a very good part.

Kathieao said...

Years ago when we lost our Grandmother, I took her birthday, and called it Ancestor's Day, we talked about our family that had passed away, how old they would be now, stories about their lives and we would have a cake. When we lost our Mom, well it was different, we still acknowledge her birthday, by calling each other, and doing something that she would have loved. It's how we honor her.

Jennifer said...

I do need to come up with some kind of special tradition, I think....

Natalie, I sat down yesterday to post, and for a moment considered not doing it ("is this really what people want more of from me? does it seem as though I'm just trying to play a pity card [not my intent]? is it too personal?"). But then I thought, well, this is what I'm thinking about right now, and part of my own processing is coming here to post things, so I'm not going to hold it in. And I DO feel your warm presence from across the miles, making these electronic tools seem like the cure to isolation for me!

Natalie said...

My dear friend.
I love you.
I am glad you shared. I recognize the hesitation... I go through that too.