Wednesday, September 12, 2007
It's not what you wear that gets you there
I know I haven't been very inspired or inspiring here lately; being profound is just something that's either in you that day, or not. You can't pretend. I feel I compose a lot of amazing blog posts, but the thing is that I compose them in my head in odd moments throughout the day (and sometimes, night) and then come up empty when it's time to do the thing. Same thing with letters -- I write great ones in my head that never see the light of paper.
Reading someone else's blog recently (and of course now I can't find it -- argh!!) made me think about that divide, that dichotomy between the life you think you'll have, and the life you have -- between the parent you'd thought you'd be, and the parent you are. It made me remember how hard it was for me to stop buying clothes for the life I wished I had, expected I'd have. Like the really lovely kimono jackets that would look great over a slim pair of black pants that I could wear with ballet flats when I went to the opera or the ballet or even to a dinner party, except that I have found myself in a life (and a lovely one at that -- don't get me wrong) that doesn't involve much opera or ballet and when we go out we are pretty committed to the whole jeans and t-shirts scene. It was hard not to shop in that wishful way, though the unworn clothes hanging in my closet caused more than enough guilt to make me stop.
It's not the stuff itself that gets you there, or keeps you from going there. I certainly could find something decent to wear in my closet right now, should I be heading out for the ballet. And honestly, if we were invited to the kind of dinner party that required fancy grown-up clothes, I'd probably find some excuse not to go. Still, this reminds me that I actually considered doing a little shopping for my whole co-assistant-soccer coaching gig; Coach Louise, who's at the helm of our team of 13 9-year-old boys (and who knows what she's doing when it comes to soccer) has all the exactly right shorts and shirts for being the very picture of a soccer coach. But, I figure neither the kids nor the parents really care all that much about what I'm wearing, and looking more the part won't actually make me know any more about playing or coaching soccer.
So where does that leave me? It reinforces this business that it's not about the stuff. Makes me feel better about not buying stuff. But I could use 24 more buttons just like this little black one at the beginning, to use as dogs' noses for Dean's quilt....