I discovered a blog that is apparently, in its entirety, a photo of what the blogger has for breakfast pretty much every day. The photos are striking, and she has what appears to be a very strong following. (45 comments on her post inviting others to share their breakfasts. 45.) I'm not saying that I think an all-breakfast blog is a bad thing. To be honest, she inspired me to jot some ideas for the next trip to the grocery store and to make myself some grits this morning (photo taken before the hard-boiled egg, still left over from Easter, went on top). What has me unable to stop thinking about an all-breakfast blog is how many people are checking in to see what she's having. I don't know what to make of that.
Aside from breakfasts, I'm thinking a lot this week about why my energy swings are so vast, so complete, and what I can do to gain a more even keel. I resent the roller-coaster sense of my life -- for me, energy level and mood go hand-in-hand (is that universal?). I'm either walking around thinking about how incredibly lucky I am and what a terrific life I have and working away on my various projects, or I'm brooding about what the point of it all is and how I'm going to find the will to keep going as I sit starting vacantly into space. In the middle of these extremes is the no-man's land where I've been uncharacteristically just letting things pile up. Packages that need to be sent, letters a year (!) overdue, dust accumulating like -- really -- you just wouldn't believe. My own life, for me, is about control; my sense of balance and purpose and contentment comes from feeling that I'm in control. (Incidentally, I do not need to feel control over other people, no matter what Ken may try to tell you.)
Ultimately I'm so bothered because I don't understand the source of my unbalance, of the swings. The outside variables (daily life) don't change much, if at all. Just my reactions and my energy levels change. Oddly, the little card from my project is still sitting in my car because I wasn't able to deliver it as intended. Sometimes it's a snap to put one on a driver's side door, just above the handle, on the window right between the window and rubber gasket, but sometimes the gasket is so rigid and tight that it can't be done. So when this card couldn't be slipped onto someone else's car, I stuck it in the note holder in my car. And it makes me feel better when I see it there. I really do want to be happy.
Not knowing where else to turn with my troubles, I leave you with another source of no small joy. I spent the last few birthday gift dollars that I had on some rubber stamps from this place. I seriously cut back last year on the amount of stuff I bought and have been doing pretty well this year, too. I think the deprivation makes me appreciate things more when I do indulge. I can't decide if that's good or pathetic. See?!? Mood swings.
* Down at the end, round by the corner.
Close to the edge, just by a river.
Seasons will pass you by.
I get up, I get down.
Close to the Edge / Yes